


Give thanks and eat ass

by Bdiddy150



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anorexia, Eating Disorders, F/F, F/M, Sad, Thanksgiving, idk I’m not a good writer, tyler doesn’t get it and is kinda an asshole but he means well and loves josh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21609418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bdiddy150/pseuds/Bdiddy150
Summary: josh goes home for thanksgiving and stuff
Relationships: Josh Dun/Tyler Joseph
Comments: 8
Kudos: 14





	Give thanks and eat ass

**Author's Note:**

> This is like an opener idk tell me if u want more

The sky was some kind of grey.  
He’d never seen a color like it. It wasn’t a pleasant color. It held some negative emotion, he didn’t know exactly what.  
Josh felt coldness on his bare chest and looked to see he was wearing no shirt. And then saw no pants. And then saw no underwear which meant no underwear wasn’t the only thing he saw.  
His eyes dragged his head down across his body until his gaze met his feet on a floor of white sand.  
Once , His family vacationed to a beach that had all black sand, he was around 10.  
The black drank up the heat of sun, which made walking on it very difficult. They didn’t stay at that beach very long, he mostly remembers that vacation for everybody laughing at the weird way his dad danced when he first stepped onto the hot ground and then watching the office for the first time for the duration of the last days there.

But this sand was cold. as unbearable as the burning black beach. Even more so, his feet concluded as his senses explored the feeling of helplessness the icy ground emitted.

He too seemed frozen, not exactly knowing how to move.  
He stood, silent and weirdly familiar with the landscape he had never seen. a few minutes had passed, and now he saw a bird come from,seemingly, no where. Circling the air. Far away from where he stood, the ground directly below the creature, opened up.  
As the sand fell into this opening earth, a tree came to meet it, and the sand against the leaves created almost a calming noise. Like rain falling throughout a forest or what the inside of an hour glass might sound like if you were a grain of sand waiting for your descent. The image he held before him could be thought as a seed sprouting, but bigger, faster.  
Before he could label the scene as something that doesn’t happen, a beautiful willow tree was in sight. 

It’s Leaves showed green beneath icy dew that caused the tree to shine as would jewelry under fluorescent lights.  
A weight on his shoulder anchored with something that held the same touch of his aunt elvas long pointed nails was enough to derail his attention from the seemingly impossible tree to another oddity.

The bird seen flying overhead , that could now be called a crow, had perched himself to the right of the boys head.

His attention once again being exercised from one thing to another, landed on how his chest was so impossibly thin, that a bird could wrap their talons around his collar bone.

Silence sat between them, only cut if either’s senses could focus enough to hear the steady streams of air weaving through time all around them.  
“It’s not healthy” A voice coming from the animal declared , breaking the long silence. But the birds mouth had yet to open.  
The boy flinched hard, he would run right now if he wasn’t being pulled into placed by the sand.

“‘Tis sickly” The bird whispered,voice sounding dark and the words coming hard as if they willed to remain unsaid.  
“Wh-what,” the boy started, tripping over words, full of fear, “is unhealth-unhealthy?”  
The bird didn’t respond for many minutes.  
“Your name?”  
“Josh”  
“Speak up.”  
“My name is, its Joshua,” Josh clears his throat, “s-sir. Bird.”

“To be missed is a wonderful thing.”  
the crows gaze that rested joshs face turned to the beautiful tree.  
“That willow, it is infected. It will bring no tears with it into its grave. It will leave as fast as it came, and no one will mourn it, it will be dead forever.”

Josh felt his hand rise to dry his eyes, and he realized he was crying. He then noticed how his brows were wrinkled together and his mouth in a frown as he tasted salty tears. As his knees gave way to the ground, the crow flew from his side to hover above him. Josh felt a deep resounding sob rip through him. THe sand on his bare knees stung harsher with every heave that left him. He felt the world around him shaking, faster and faster.

“Get up, get up! To lay there is to be forgotten!” The voice came hurried and loud.  
The bird flew higher and started to circle the air above him.  
Josh sobbed louder. The crying brought sharp Pains to his chest.  
“Get up, Joshua. Get up, Joshua. Get up!”  
“GET UP JOSH!”  
josh jerks forward off his bed, falling on the floor. His little sisters stops jumping on his bed for a moment and then flops back dramatically is laughter.  
Josh opens his eyes -or his one eye that’s not smushed against the carpet- and sees their dog running into his room ,getting closer, closer, closer  
And ,oh isn’t that great, he loves the smell of dog breath in the morning!  
Oh yeah, that’s the spot, yep , make sure to lick every inch of his face, that’s lovely.  
“Hmm, yep, thanks Jim. You’re my buddy, yep, ok , that’s good, I’m good, thanks” josh huffs as he pushes Jim away, smiling by the time his sister calms her laughing and peaks her head over the edge of the bed to look at the two.  
Josh looks up at her, wearing a pretend scowl to challenge her toothy grin.

“What are you looking at?” Josh says like a villain in a kids movie, squinting his eyes.

“Looking at you kissing Jim” the kid barely gets it out before she’s overtaken by giggles.

“We’ll see whose laughing when I train Jim to attack on command!”  
Josh turns to the dog, “Get her! Get her, boy!”  
The little girl giggles.  
Jim opens his mouth and pants.  
Josh huffs.  
“Huh, well, I guess until then I’ll just have to..” Josh leaps onto the bed “attack you!”  
Josh playfully grabs his sister as she tries to wiggle away, and wraps her in his arms tickling her.  
Shrieks of laughter come out her as she kicks the air.  
“Stop, s-stop!” She repeatedly yells, laughing until her face is red.

“Abagail, stop being so loud!” Their mom calls from the living room.

“It’s Josh!” She replies in a laughter scream combo.

“Just leave him alone! He needs to get dressed, We’re leaving in 30!”

Josh looks to Abigail with his eyebrows raised and tongue very much out.

“You’re dumb” Abigail giggles, then proceeds to throw a pillow at josh’s face and run to her own room.

“You’re dumb” josh says to Jim whose now on the bed. Josh leans forward and scratches behind Jim’s ear.

“Im sorry, Jim. I didn’t mean it. Can you ever forgive me? Oh, you will? For more cuddles? Fine, okay ,okay. You’re such a good boy, you know that? Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy? Yah, you are, you’re a good boy, good boy.”

~~~~~~

Josh flipped the switch for the bathroom lights, and was greeted with a unpleasant reflection staring back at him. After waiting for all three of his siblings to be done with their turn in the bathroom, Josh finally get his. He stares at his side profile, twisting to see which angle he looks the thinnest at. He sees how his stomach presses pass the drawstrings of his loose plaid pajama bottoms and he wants to cry or break something. No. He wants to starve. He goes and turns on the water for the shower. While he waits for it to warm up, he follows his therapist instructions for when he gets these urges. He lists all of the terrible things he’s eating disorder has taken from him and all of the things he’s gained from recovery. But he can only think of how he’s gained weight. He’s gained an uglier body. He’s lost his purpose. He misses people being concerned for him. Being scared when they saw his rib cage under his shirt and the boniness of his hands. When people asked him how often he ate, saying that there’s no way he can be eating and look this bad.  
Now he was healthy.  
The water got warm a couple minutes before josh came out of his thoughts and into the shower.  
He was healthy.  
He hates being healthy.  
Healthy really means fat.  
Disgusting and lazy and pathetic.  
Josh knew where these thoughts took him, and always tried to push them away. 

But he’s been spending more time in front of the mirror lately, and the thoughts have become more persistent.  
Josh looks down at his thighs.  
No gap anymore. He feels an ache in his throat the longer he stares. He almost cries but he pushes away. Crying is not something 23 year old men do into their moms loofa while coming home for thanksgiving.  
He turns of the water and ruffles his hair a bit with a towel. He’s never liked drying his body off like that. The feeling of the towel pressing and rubbing against all of his fat, just another reminder of the unattractive body he was in. 

He looks in the mirror at his bare ass. It was too big. His back had rolls and his arms where flabby. 

Josh eyed the cabinet under the sink, knowing that’s where his mother put her scale a couple years ago, when josh was going through treatment. His first recovery was when he was seventeen.  
Now, six years later, he dragging out the dingy beige scale and rubbing off the dust that had settled on the plastic surface.

Josh knew that after he stepped on, there was no going back.

Maybe he shouldn’t. 

He should.

He did.

164 lbs.

Josh cried into his towel. 

Dear Jesus fuck

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me if u want more or don’t idc


End file.
